Today I want to discuss a huge topic that has a lot to do with the 2-3 last posts I have made: How to Trust the Process and I Feel So Lost in Life. This is something that I battle with day in and day out and when I don’t get others’ approval, I sometimes wither away and begin second guessing myself.
It’s all bullshit and it’s a lie. YOU are important. YOU are worthy. YOU are amazing, beautiful, intelligent, smart, successful – you just have to find these qualities within yourself.
Today I want to talk to about how to ignore everyone and begin disregarding what they think of you, your actions and your goals and objectives. They are yours, and you should be doing whatever it is that you want to be doing – regardless of what anyone says.
Firstly, I CARE About What Others Think – And It’s Destroying my Self-Esteem
I care. I care what you think of this article. I care about what my mom thinks about my blog. I care about what my boss thinks of my work performance. I care about what my friends think of my silly behaviour, what my doctor thinks about my health choices, what my dad thinks about my finances, what my teachers think about my success – I care!
And it’s slowly killing me on the inside, because the person who’s opinion I care least about is my own.
Isn’t that a huge slap in the face.
Yup, it sure is for me.
I can’t tell you the amount of times that I have chosen to behave in a certain way, make certain choices and perform in a certain way that placed somebody else’s judgement of me one rung higher on the priority chain than the decisions that would have been aligned with my own values.
And I still do it. What others think of me is driving my decisions on a daily basis, and I am quite sick and tired of not being in control of my own life, my own happiness and not taking orders from others and pursuing that which will make “them” happy at my own personal expense.
It’s as if I am hiding behind a mask. A mask that is made up of all the things that I “must do” to fit into society and keep the cogwheel turning so to speak – and I am guilty of this pretty much on a daily basis. I am literally “masking” the person that truly wants to shine in favour of pleasing the masses.
But today’s anecdote isn’t about how terrible I am at being myself, it’s not about having a pity-party for poor old Mike or asking for sympathy – today’s post is about how and why it’s so paramount to ditch any opinions others have over you.
I Don’t Care What Others Think of Me – And Neither Should You
You remember when we were kids? We were born into a society that taught us from an early age to buy into all the hype surrounding “pleasing others” and doing things to be a good person, a good kid, fitting in etc. I call bullcrap on all fronts.
Now, there are a few fundamental values by which I believe all humans should live by – courtesy, honesty, integrity, helpfulness etc. but none of these have anything to do with buying into the social conditioned norm that is prevalent today.
Do you also remember how, just above this section, I admitted to caring about what others think of me? Well it’s true. We all do. It’s in our innate nature to behave in this manner, and there isn’t really much of anything any of us can do to halt this natural instinct.
We all care about what the next guy/gal thinks of us even if their judgement offers no value to us or lends a helping hand to our self improvement.
In other words, we place great value on other peoples’ judgement of us (sometimes even strangers!) even when there is insurmountable evidence showing that their judgement offers nothing tangible for us to effectively make our lives better.
However, whether or not we allow this judgement to influence us at all is indicative of our own self-esteem, not the perceived validation we receive from others.
Self-esteem is a self-made attribute that anyone’s character can learn how to implement. It comes from within yourself.
Now That We Know That Others Judge Us,
What Can We Do To Not Care?
I strongly urge you to head over to the subreddit No%&#@sGiven. This is a great area to explore the art of not caring.
Please, for God’s sake, I highly recommend NOT becoming an asshole. This website does not advise you to become an asshole. This website does not encourage asshole-ish behaviour nor would I ever condone any type of behaviour in which you are physically, verbally or mentally abusing someone else by being an a**hole to them. Please.
However, with that said, I can not speak enough of the attitude to do things anyway, in spite of the naysayers and those who try to keep you pinned down to your current *shitty* situation. Some people just don’t understand you fully and they’ll never understand why you’re doing what you’re doing.
I would also recommend to head over here to find out more about how finding your passion will help you immensely to filter out the naysayers and get after what it is you truly want out of life anyway.
Alright, Enough of this Airy-Fairy Crap. I Want Some Concrete Examples of What You’re Talking About, Mike.
Think of the most famous people you know who have become famous in the most obscure ways imaginable. I can think of Harley Morenstein from EpicMealTime, Casey Neistat, or PewDiePie off the top of my head. They are each YouTubers who have more than 5 million subscribers – and in the case of PewDiePie, nearly sixty million subscribers!
Harley has a cooking show in which his group of friends cooks the most insane, massive meals you’ll ever see like the Thai-Tanic Springroll.
Casey Neistat is, was, and is a vlogger again. He comes from years of professional videography experience and has brought this twist to the vlogging game.
PewDiePie is a great and funny video gamer and commentary expert who has made his YouTube channel into a thriving full-time career.
Now that is a full-time living if I’ve ever heard of one.
Could you imagine their parents’ look on their faces if these guys said that they wanted to become YouTubers? Their parents probably didn’t even know what YouTube is! And if they did, they would’ve been reluctant to accept YouTube as a feasible income form.
Now, granted, these guys probably didn’t think they would make it huge, but that still doesn’t take away from the fact that they did. Regardless of what anyone said or did, these guys pulled the trigger and did what they wanted. I remember Harley even saying that he quit is teaching job to run Epic Meal Time full-time. Now that’s impressive.
The whole takeaway here is that they just didn’t care what the naysayers thought and got after it anyway. What’s there to lose? Will your life be dictated by what other people think you are or are not capable of?
F%$& that nonsense! F##$ the haters, critics and naysayers – they can continue to bash your dreams from the comfort of their meatloaf dinner and arm chair movie nights! They have no say in your life, nor where you’re taking it or where you’re heading. You have the say, no one else.
Why It’s Paramount to Not Care What Others Think
Self-confidence is the forerunner of any successful life event. If you want something to happen, only you can make it happen. No one else will give you approval. No one will hold your hand, caress your head and say, “it’s alright, Michael”, and surely as hell no one will provide you with self confidence other than your very own being.
When you have a firm grip on what it is you want, you will take every conceivable step towards realising this potential, and you will make it happen. It’s a mandatory personality trait (especially for entrepreneurs) to go against the grain. Not only is it fundamental to care less of others’ opinions of you, but dealing with the naysayers and down-shooters is going to literally become a part of your daily existence.
If you have any good friends like I do, you’re lucky because the guys I associate with are supportive of my dreams and my own “worthy ideal”. They don’t shoot me down, they lend a helping hand. But realise that this is not the norm.
Honestly, who even gives a rat’s a$$ about what anyone thinks? If you want to do something, just do it! Because it’s either going to be the perceived approval you will get from them in exchange for your happiness, or you’ll get your happiness at the expense of someone disapproving of something I am doing. I would much rather have a huge group of haters than a huge group of lovers whereby I hate myself.
Go against the grain. Try something new, live the life you want in spite of others’ attempts at deceiving you into believing you’re crazy. You’re not. they just can’t understand your thought process. But do you? That’s all that really matters!
What do you guys think? Do you let others get the better of you? Do you let the opinion of others crush your dreams? Are you firmly planted in your beliefs and are they strong enough to withstand the harshest of critics?
Leave a comment below. I’d love to hear about how you have overcome your critics and stopped caring about what others think.